October 30, 2009

Two cents from Olympia...

Received an email from Olly…

Life is not all that complicated, it is we who complicate it. Everyone has a share of good times and bad... it's easy to smile during good times but to make a difference is to smile even during the bad. And ofcourse there are friends and family who give us the strength and love to get ahead through any situation. A positive outlook towards life is a lifesaver.

What a great thought …isn't it?....

Cup Cakes 4 You [part-1]

To a change and to the hope we share…

Hey Buddies n Butterflies…

Many of us go through the difficult times in life. Some every now and then, some very often. The difficulties faced can range from the tiniest bit of fighting with friends, to more serious stuff like murderous/ suicidal thoughts and depression. Many a times, people cannot help in the situation and nobody will understand what goes through our minds and how we are taking it.

I go through many of this troubling stuff. It is very very disturbing. And when I turn to someone else to discuss it, something’s always seem to be my fault still, no matter how hard I try to explain how I feel. Nobody can understand what I was going through and how I was feeling. This has been happening all my life, and like many other people in the world who go through their own problems, many a times there is nobody who would listen to us, and so we keep it deep in ourselves. Letting it eat us up slowly bit by bit.

Some things on the other hand are just out of our control. We just cannot help it at all. There is no chance, no matter what we do to avoid something, it still happens(…like in case with Bhairavi, Ravi and Simon). We can complain, we can talk to people, but then it still doesn't change things and cannot help. In the end there is only one thing we can do, hope for the best. Two ways to go about it, drop it and leave it, run away from everything and make it easier for ourselves OR we can hold on tight, stay strong even in our weakest times, do not lose faith, try our best to help the situation and again hope for the best. There is only so much we can do, most important thing is that we try and not give up so easily. Life is never gonna be any more easier for us nor other people. We all have our own problems and troubles, in one form or another. We may be different, but we are all still subject to life and its games.

So, lets face it strongly, looking up, and take it head on. To give up or not to give up. But in the end, either way that comes, there is one thing that we all share, no matter how big or small or rich or poor. We share the hope that everything will be all right, everything will work out fine, everything will still go on. We share that one hope. For ourselves or others, just a spark of hope. And that hope will make all the difference.

To a change and to the hope we share…

-K Himaanshu Meehirs’ Shukla…

October 29, 2009

I Only Can Smile Back...

When your boss gives you a firm thumbs up and say thanks for a job well done(…like my ex-module lead Ankit gives), how would you feel?

I know it felt so great to be appreciated and knowing that I have done something right. I haven't have this feeling for a very, very long time while working for ‘***a**’. Because nobody gives a shit if you are doing things right there, but they give you 2 shits if you did minor mistakes and deep shit if it's a big one(...I face exactly same while working under my previous module lead Y***ni). That’s one of the reason why I left ‘***a**’.

I was asked zillions of times, if I regretted leaving ‘***a**’, my answer is plain straightforward and simple, *NO, in fact, I could have left a lot earlier. Having the opportunity to work in ‘***a**’was awesome/ breathtaking, but it was even greater to have been there and out. I bring with me valuable lessons, contacts, networks, hands-on reel life work experiences, and they all seems useful to me now.

From CEO of ‘***a**’ to security guard, from directors to ward kaka each and every one are like family to me (...thats the only reason why I still work as freelancer whenever ‘***a**’ needs me).

-K Himaanshu Meehirs' Shukla...

Tulsi Vivaah...

Today in our India, festival of Tulsi Vivaah is celebrated. Tulsi Vivaah is the marriage of tulsi plant with lord Vishnu or his incarnation Krishna. From the 11th moonlit fortnight, also known as Prabhodini or Devuthni Gyarash [Dev + Utnhi + Gyarash means God(…Dev) wakes up(..uthna) on 11th (…Gyarah) day after Diwali], till the full moon or Pournima of kartik for five days, there continues a tradition of a ritual marriage of the tulsi with Krishna.

Tulsi or tulas is the herb plant and regarded as a holy household plant in our India. It is believed to be a destroyer of demons and evil spirits. Unmarried girls worship it for a happy married life(...unmarried guys wont pray? they dont want happy married life?), married women to be blessed with children and widows to attain salvation(….I think Widower already got salvation that’s why only Widows are supposed to do all the rituals).

It is difficult to find a Hindu house without the Tulsi Vrindavan (…Pedestal). Earlier the pedestal where the tulsi was planted was manually made of clay. Watering the Tulsi Vrindavan, applying sandalwood paste, turmeric and red powder (…kumkum) and also adorning it with flowers and lamps is a tradition observed even today among Hindu women.

During chavath, a canopy(…a.k.a matoli in some places) is erected in front of the Tulsi vrundavan with a variety of fruits and flowers. The Prabodhini ekadishi (….or Devuthni Gyarash)is celebrated as vhodli or dev diwali or choti diwali. It marks the conclusion of chaturmas, a four month period when Lord Vishnu is believed to take a long sleep on ashad shuddha ekadashi and awakens on kartik shuddha ekadashi. Tulsi lagna(…Tusli Marriage) is one of the most important festivals. No marriage ceremony will be held before Tulsi lagna as it does not enjoy religious sanction among Hindus. The clay pedestal(…Tulsi Vrindavan) has today been replaced by a concrete one that varies in shape, size and color. Every year before the Tulsi lagna, the pedestal is painted and decorated. In rural areas, women make square shaped pedestals of clay and apply a paste of cow dung to them. This Tulsi Vrindavan is then decorated with wild flowers and yellow coloured marigold. On tulsi lagna, a tender stick of dino (Leea indica or Bandicoot berry) is brought and designs carved on it.

DINO or Leea Indica

This dino stick symbolically represents the bride groom of the tulsi vrindavan. The Tulsi vrindavan is decorated like a bride. Inside the pedestal in some areas a wild plants along with pods is planted which is decorated with marigold flowers. A stem of sugarcane is also planted. Fruits of Amla (Emblica Officinalis) and Tamarind (…Tamarindus indica) are placed inside the pedestal. Head gears made from pseudo banana stems are tied during the marriage ceremony to the Tulsi as well as dino plants. Akshatas(… or rice grains) are thrown to solemnize the marriage. All marriage rituals are performed on this occasion. Chanting of holy hymns known as mangalashtakas accord a sense of sanctity, associating it with the feelings of having performed a pious deed.
In some areas after solemnizing the marriage, married women light lakshavat ( … wicks of hands spun cotton threads on banana pseudo-stems). The wick bundles (…alos known as Jodvi) are allowed to burn completely. Women then go round the pedestal performing Pradakshina. Married women fast for two days, on tulsi vivah and the day prior to it. They eat vegetarian food which mainly consist of sweet potatoes, tuber roots, fruits and sweet dishes.
-K Himaanshu Shuklaa..
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October 28, 2009

I wish...

I wish I would just jump in a vast sea, get carried away, to someplace new. And when I wake up, I'd be this guy with amnesia. I won’t even know who's who.

Escapist? Pathetic? Miserable? Useless? Dejected? Melancholic? Name whatever you want.

Dear Someone...

Yesterday, I texted her:-
Dear Earth, please tell her that I miss her a lot. Let her have a nice and safe flight, always. Please tell her that I am fine here..

And she replied this..
Dear Sky, there's someone special named Meehir. Please keep him safe and let him be in the right way. Because I am travelling for Canada and Europe, so far away from him... I trust you to take care of him....

She always knows how to bring my smile back. She always knows how to make me burst in tears. She always understands me the way I am. And I always miss her. Though she's very far away, I haven't felt any burden at all. I am neither feeling too melancholic, nor feeling guilty for not being by her side. I miss her, but in a way that the longing itself is not torturing me, nor giving me anxiety. Knowing she's safe and sound, that's really enough. Funny, I have never felt this way before, with any gal.

She never promises me anything. She never said anything too romantic, too sweet. She never said that she loved me, nor she wanted to be with me. And I never said so too. Wishing her well, healthy, and happy, I think it's all more than enough. We enjoy our chat, our moment together, and even sometimes she would call me. Just hearing her voice, bring me back to my own spirit and hope, that everything would go to be nice and fine, that I am fine.

-K Himaanshu Meehirs' Shukla

NOTE: All the mentioned incidents and places above are ficticious nothing to do with reality.

October 27, 2009

To Make You Feel My Love...

Sara…one of my close friend, called me when I was about to finish my breakfast. I was in the office canteen so I disconnected the call. Then I called her back in tea break, she was busy with her new show. Today she got a day off so planning for a outing. She said probably Panchi, Arsh and Kinshuk are also coming along with Ali, Sudha and Gurmeet . Prachi (one of my colleague) is giving KT (knowledge transfer) sessions as she will be on leave for next 3 months, so I am not able leave office early :(.

I felt bad as I was not able to go for outing. To make me feel good Saru (Sara’s nick name) sang a song ‘To Make You Feel My Love’. Saru told me that was a Billy Joel song and now sung by Grammy Best New Artist, Adele (…don’t know who are they). That song got me into my romantic mood again :) ... and it dawned upon me how lovely this song was talking about the simple things done just that someone could feel my love. I wonder what people will do so that someone else felt their love...more importantly, who will do that, for me? I downloaded the chords and I will try to play it on guitar.

-K Himaanshu Meehirs' Shukla...


When the rain
Is blowing in your face
And the whole world
Is on your case
I could offer you
A warm embrace
To make you feel my love

When the evening shadows
And the stars appear
And there is no one there
To dry your tears
I could hold you
For a million years
To make you feel my love

I know you
Haven't made
Your mind up yet
But I would never
Do you wrong
I've known it
From the moment
That we met
No doubt in my mind
Where you belong

I'd go hungry
I'd go black and blue
I'd go crawling
Down the avenue
No, there's nothing
That I wouldn't do
To make you feel my love

The storms are raging
On the rolling sea
And on the highway of regret
Though winds of change
Are throwing wild and free
You ain't seen nothing
Like me yet

I could make you happy
Make your dreams come true
Nothing that I wouldn't do
Go to the ends
Of the Earth for you
To make you feel my love

Unforgettable memories…

Some memories are not to be forgotten. You simply can't forget, even though you have tried so hard, so willingly to let go all your past. But no matter how many times you said goodbye to that past, it keeps coming back to you. No matter how many times you resolutely decide to move on, it keeps haunting you on your sleepless night.

Or maybe it's just me.. I dont know.

-K Himaanshu Meehirs' Shukla

October 12, 2009

I can't hide the pain...am I weak?

Can't Hide the Pain
Every day when I wake up
I see that nothing's changed
Always the same
Always deranged

I can't hide the pain
It's pulling me
To the ground
I can't hide the pain
It's causing me
To go insane
I can't hide the pain

I try to tell my self
To ignore the pain
But it never goes away

I have my near and dears
But it doesn't stop the pain
that comes when people judge me
It doesn't stop the pain
When people want to drive me insane

I can't hide the pain
It's pulling me
To the ground
I can't hide the pain
It's causing me
To go insane
I can't hide the pain

October 05, 2009

Today I got so angry...

Today I got so angry, That I almost cried.
Today's the day I realized,That our love has died.

I think of you a lot, In all different ways.
But you never made a call.

I was hoping we would keep in touch,
And stay really good friends.
But it seems you don't care, And now everything's come to an end.

Know that I sit here and ponder, Of what I thought was true.
I finally believed in happiness, I saw it all in you.
But now that you are gone, I wonder if you think of me.
Is your heart broken, Am I ever in your dreams?

You cut things off so suddenly, Like you never even cared.
You once told me you did, But the feelings were never there.

Why would you tell me,The different things you felt.
If in the very end, You left on me a welt.

I don't think you noticed, How much I cared for you.
When we had that conversation, Everything I said was true.

I thought you felt the same, That's what you expressed to me.
But now I know it was a lie. All just painful memories.

Today I got so angry, That I almost cried.
Today's the day I realized, That our love has died.

October 03, 2009

Time to say Goodbye to a friend...

I was in love with someone from some couple of months. I thought this gal would be in my life forever. She was indeed(that what I think), so I thought, just the perfect person for me. The relationship started out with sweet sms, emails, sketches, poems and numerous acts of kindness.

A close friend of mine told me that she saw her in a cinema hall, where she was sitting on the back sit and making love with a guy. A week back, I went to a McDonald’s where my friend told me to check and I found her sitting close to that guy with hand in hand . This confirmed everything that I had been thinking.

I never wanted to let her go because deep down inside I wanted her to change. Yesterday I saw her with that guy (...who is a big flirt and surely using her) and when I called her that guy picked the call and then forced her to say that she was not intrested in talking to me , I realized that I was fighting a losing battle. Sometimes as a emotional men(...u can say emotional fool), I don’t place high enough value on myself and I settle for gal that I actually don’t belong with.

I had to take a long, good look at myself and ask myself, what was missing in my life that I felt like I needed to continue to be used and abused. Letting go of this relationship is one of the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. Each day has been a big “what if.” What if I’m wrong or what if she changes. I am happy to say that I am moving on and if you are in a relationship like this, I encourage you to do the same. Saying goodbye to my lover, colleague and one of my best friend was destructive, but I had to do it. I’ve cried a lot and have been angry at myself for even getting involved with this gal. The warning signs were there and I kept ignoring them. I didn’t realize that I was strong enough to walk away.

If you are reading this blog and you haven’t said goodbye to an unhealthy relationship, you are not alone. You can’t do it alone. It takes prayer and support. I had to move from crying and whining to praising Thakurji (Lord Krishna) for bringing me out of it. Praise makes the heart merry. When I start thinking about it and my heart gets sad, I begin saying Thakurji, “I thank you for delivering me from the death and danger of this relationship. Thank you Thakurji for opening my eyes. Thank you that you are giving me another chance to live my life.” Just as Thakurji has been merciful unto me, he will do the same for you. I like to thank my friends Panchi, Shaky, Ekta, Shwets’, Silvi, Arsh, VJ and Robin for their humble support at this point of time.

It’s time to say goodbye **o*i* (…her pet name).

no Cheers this time,
-K Himaanshu Meehirs'Shukla...
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