May 11, 2012

"Don't kill the innocence of children!.." : TV actors talks about Child Sexual Abuse


Any interaction between a child and an adult in which the child is used for the sexual stimulation of the executor or an observer is considered as Sexual Abuse.  It often involves direct physical contact, touching, kissing, fondling, rubbing, oral sex, or penetration of the vagina or anus.

Child sexual abuse is one of the common issues which need to be dealt on priority basis because it directly affects millions of children across all social, ethnic, religious, and cultural groups around the world.

As reported earlier that probably the second episode of Aamir Khan’s much talked show ‘Satyamev Jayate’ will cover people who have survived sexual abuse. Gorgeous Shri Devi will probably come as a guest.  Thus we decided to talk to few actors from the television fraternity to know their views on Child Sexual Abuse.


I personally never came across any child who was sexually abused till today but I know that such a heart wrenching crime exists. It’s a very irrelevant deed which needs to be stopped completely.  It’s a mental torture to the person who is sexually harassed. When a child is harassed, there are chances that the child might go into trauma and become insane.  Sexually abused child suffers for his/her entire life. Woh jaha bhi jaayega usse ye darr laga rahega ki yaha bhi koi na koi usse sexually harass na kar de.

Parents should be very careful and concerned when it comes to such a sensitive topic. They must educate their children properly. I think schools should take an initiative to spread awareness amongst children.

I don’t have words to express my feelings about such a disgusting issue. Raping a child is not only exploiting her/him physically but it’s even raping him/her mentally. The scars of such an incident are always alive in the mind and heart of victim and he/she is unable to live a normal life. The memories of such accidents haunt the victim lifelong.

The person who commits such a low crime of ruining the innocence of a child is not a human. He is a devil and should be hanged till death. I think the person who exploits a child is not mentally fit. He/she is a psychologically sick person because a normal person cannot molest a child, an epitome of innocence. This is so shameful.

Education is the best and only source to put a pause on such a deadly crime. Awareness should be spread among children to keep them safe. Parents should leave their hesitation and explain their young ones about good and bad touch. Children should be that much aware that they should be able to realize the intention of a person by their slightest stroke.

And this can only be possible if parents become open and interact with their kids as much they can and help them grow smart.
I think that I am very lucky as I never went through sexual abuse in my childhood. I feel blessed as my childhood was very joyful. But yes undoubtedly I have heard about many such incidents where innocent children undergo mental and physical torture.

One of my friends told me that she underwent through this sexual abuse while she was a child. Her parents were working and she used to stay whole day with her housemaid. Her neighbor who was 20-25 that time tried to molest her. She was so scared by such a terrible event. She could not share this with her mother also due to lack of open minded talks between children and parents.

I remember one more incident which will give you goose bumps on hearing. One of my friends is a dance choreographer and he takes dance classes in Malad. He has an assistant named Sunil. Once my friend went out of town so Sunil was taking the dance classes in his absence. The age group of children was 3-6. When my friend returned he threw Sunil out of job. I was so surprised when I came to know that Sunil is no longer working with my friend. When I asked him the reason he told me that Sunil tried to molest one of the students whose age was just 4 years. In my opinion Sunil must have been sent to jail as he might try molesting someone else.

I just want to say one thing that its parent’s duty to treat their children like friends.  Parents and their children should have such an equation that children can talk about anything and everything to their parents without feeling shy and parents should be able to answer their questions without any hesitation. The perfect bonding between parents is developed only when children feel hassle free while talking to their children.

 
Unfortunately I met two children who were sexually abused in their childhood. When I was in class ninth one of my classmates, who became my close friend, told me that she was raped by his uncle when she was 11 years old. I was shocked to hear this.  The saddest part was that her parents did not treat normally after this incident like they used to as if it was her fault. I lost touch with her. I hope she is all right and doing better in life.

The second incident where I came across Child Sexual Abuse was when I visited a small hotel. I met a girl who was working there. I am very talkative so I start talking with anyone. Out of a blue I asked her, tum yaha ki nahi lagti hoo? She told me she was from Orissa. Baaton batoon mein she started crying. When I asked her why she was crying, first she refused to reveal but I convinced her to open up by talking politely with her. I was stunned when she told me that her mom wants to sell her to an old man. She even lifted her skirt to show that she is a virgin. Because of this she ran from her house and came to Mumbai and started working in that hotel. I could do nothing but think about her even after many days of meeting her so I decided to help her. So I went to that hotel again but by then she left that job.

I don’t know why parents do not support their kids. They have such an important role to play in helping their child recover from sexual abuse. Why don’t they open up with their kids? Why sex education is not provided in schools? People say parents should treat their kids like friends but this is just a mere saying. I think parents and kids need to be buddies who can share everything with each other.

  PRATYUSHA BANERJEE
I've never met a single sexual harassed victim. But yes I heard a lot about this. Abusers and abused surely exist in our society. Sadly the abused children are afraid to open their mouth because of lack of support from their near and dear ones.

Most of the parents do not talk about such issues with their kinds. Though some parents are quite open but they generally teach their children about STRANGER DANGER. But I think most of the children are abused by their family members. As per my understanding, danger of sexual abuse usually lurks around our own home.  Today the kids are smarter and mentally they grow very early. Parents should open up and discuss everything with their kids. Hum Kisi insaan mein se haiwaaniyat nahi nikaal sakte par apne bachho ko toh bachcha sakte hai.

Just one kind request to all, please ghar mein kam age ki ladkiyon ko kaam par mat rakho.  Most of the maids are harassed by their owners.


I never came across any such incident but heard a lot about it. My take on this is that the people who commit such shameful acts with innocent children are mentally retarded. Abusing a child sexually sounds so weird in itself upon hearing. How can people think about doing such deed?

Parents should be extra careful and protective towards their children. Even I have a 4 year old daughter. We never leave her alone. Either I or my wife Pari is always there with her. Don’t leave your children alone even for a moment especially with strangers or maids.

Teach your children about their bodies. There is nothing to be shy about while educating your child about such sensitive stuff after all by doing this you are making them aware about keeping themselves safe.

Important points to remember


Child Sexual Abuse includes 
  • Touching a child's private parts for sexual purposes
  • Making a child touch someone else's genitals or play sexual game
  • Putting objects or body parts (like candle, fingers, tongue or penis) inside the vagina, mouth or in the anus of a child for sexual purposes
  • Showing pornography to a child
  • Photographing a child in sexual poses
  • Intentionally exposing an adult's genitals to a child
  • Encouraging a child to watch/ hear sexual acts
  • Incongruously watching a child undress or use the bathroom
  • Making and downloading sexual images of children on the Internet
 Warning signs of sexual abuse in children
  • Depression
  • Nightmares or sleep disturbances
  • Poor school performance, refusal to go to school.
  • Running away from home
  • Substance abuse
  • Aggression
  • Fear of attack recurring
  • Eating disturbances
  • Suicidal gestures
  • Aspects of sexual molestation in drawings, games or fantasies
  • Anger about being forced into situation beyond one’s control
  • Trouble walking or sitting.
  • Displays knowledge or interest in sexual acts inappropriate to his/her age, or even seductive behavior.
  • Makes strong efforts to avoid a specific person, without an clear reason.
  • Doesn’t want to change clothes in front of others or participate in physical activities.
  • An STD or pregnancy, especially under the age of 14.

  • Statements that their bodies are dirty or damaged, or fear that there is something wrong with them in the genital area
MYTHS and FACTS

Myth: Child abuse doesn't happen in GOOD families.
Fact:  According to the research, Child Abuse crosses all racial, economic, and cultural lines, it doesn't only happen in poor families or bad neighbourhoods. 

Myth:  Child abusers are strangers.
Fact: While abuse by strangers does happen, overwhelmingly, a child is abused by someone she or he knows.  Studies confirm most abusers are family members or others close to the family.

Myth: Abused children always grow up to be abusers.
Fact:  Some sexually abused children become child abuser; consciously /unconsciously repeat what they experienced as children.  It’s also true that many adult survivors of child abuse have a strong inspiration to protect their children against what they went through and researches show they become excellent parents.

The myths/ misunderstandings and victim-blaming associated with child sexual abuse shifts attention away from perpetrators and innocent silences survivors. Do’s and don’ts for the parents when they speak with there sexually abused kids:
  • Do's
  1. Be open and clear
  2. Tell them you believe them, restore confidence and support them
  3. Assure them that you will them and will keep them safe
  4. Tell them you do not blame them. They will feel shame of sexual abuse which will make it very difficult for children to come forward.
  5. Let them know you are glad they told you about the abuse
  6. Make time to spend with your child and talk to them privately.  Allow your child to talk about how they feel.
  7. Stay calm while talking with your child as they may be confused by anger
  8. Respect your child’s wishes and be sensitive to their emotional needs
  9. Contact a mental  health professional with expertise in child trauma
  • Don’t
  1. Play blame game. Your child is not responsible for what happened
  2. Advise that it would have been better if they had not told anyone
  3. Tell your child to forget it ever happened or force them not to talk about it
  4. Get upset when your child talks about the abuse.
  5. Blame yourself for what happened
  6. Grill a child for every detail by asking too many questions, this may confuse and upset the child and make it harder for them to continue their story.
Children who are sexually abused often experience neglect and abuse for the life time. Mostly it can lead to antisocial behaviour, depression, identity confusion, loss of self-esteem and other serious emotional problems. Sometimes it also leads to difficulty with intimate relationships later in life.

It’s a serious social problem; much more public attention needs to be paid to this topic.  Most of the parents (especially Indian parents) are unsure or particular about bringing up sexual matters with their children.  Open up; establish an open dialogue about sexual issues.

The sexual victimization of children is ethically and morally wrong. Don’t let anybody to snatch the innocence from our kids.

Silence is crime..raise your voice against Child Sexual Abuse!..

Your comment, feedback and suggestions would be greatly appreciated...

Be Blessed,
-K Himaanshu Shukla..





Copyright © 2012 - ScrutinyByKHimaanshu

19 comments:

Anonymous said...

really appricate your efforts KHS

Anonymous said...

angad <3

thanks sir for angads views

Ayesha said...

Awesome work KHS....everytime u tke a new topic and open a complete blog on it...Hats offf!!!

Anonymous said...

Awosome Article Himmuji . Seriously Children should be made alert and aware . Thanks for Kinshuk's Interview and view regarding Child sexual abuse . He said so correct .

Manisha said...

Awsome article thank u so much for sharing the article

Anonymous said...

Very important topic is been focused. Impressive.

Anonymous said...

amazing article thanks for sharing and taking jeevika's quotes

Anonymous said...

Nice article...!!

Anonymous said...

luv u krystle...

Anonymous said...

Impressive Article and sure people who read it will rcv some teachings!! Loved Kinshuk's word!!!

Anonymous said...

Impressive Article himmu it's amazing
im glad thesedays ppl r spreading awarness about child abuse .....
Sisi
Himmu it's one of your best article i jst loved it

Anonymous said...

Impressive article....

Anonymous said...

wow i really liked the article..nice work
loved to hear Angy's views.He says so correct and fab. <3
one of d best article...
simran.

Anonymous said...

too good... pls make this article more popular so that every body show know the fact not the myths.

Anonymous said...

Luv u krystle nd ur right

Anonymous said...

appreciate your work...Just be a human and think once before doing such things and differentiate b/w an animal and a human.

Anonymous said...

thanks for such a brilliant article and create more awarness with such good things...brilliant job

Anonymous said...

can i have any story who actually inspired by our tv soap in any maaner be it negative or positive it is related to a documentry

Anonymous said...

please mail me on lajus17@gmail.com who you have any story which has any positive or negative ... i need fr documentry ... wanna shhow how tv soap are effective in good /bad manner thanks

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