My greatest fear

I love affection and the peoples in my life are more than anything. My greatest fear is that one day someone I care about, won't be there anymore. I couldn't deal with it if I didn't have one of my loved ones in my life anymore.

Cheers,
K Himaanshu Shukla....

Happy Birthday dear Aaryan...

23 February 2009 

It's like just another day, I had a dream, then I woke up in tears...literally in tears. It's like a recap of the days when I felt so dark that I felt very lonely. It's like going through a re-run of the saddest day that I had in my whole life. 

I saw Aaryan going through turmoil and I'm not able to help him. It made me feel terrible, but this dream made me happy as well because it also showed me how our dearest friend Aaryan loved us. Even during his last hours, he was smiling and remembering us. Although he didn't want to leave, he knew he had to and it was already his time.  I know that he had a lot to say to us, but in this dream, he just blinked his eyes as if he was saying 'phir milege'. 

Not being there even at the last minute, to be able to hold his hand was definitely the saddest thing I would regret till now. It was the only moment when I realize that he was there for us when we are happy and sad. And now after he's left he is still with us be it happy or sad. 

This dream really made me feel how friendship can be so strong and I definitely still want to thank the Lord for giving me such a loving and caring friend. 

I still miss him so dearly, knowing he is looking at me and still loving me. All I wish was time to go back so that I can tell him how sorry I was to make him angry at so many different times. 

Aaryan you really showed us how friendship can be so strong. You will always be missed and loved in our hearts. I hope we will meet soon. Happy Birthday Aaryan. We miss you a lot.... 

Yours irritating brother from another mother,

-K Himaanshu Shukla

Rebirth from these ashes

It's time to move on to the new me that is waiting on the other side of this depression and I definitely mean it this time, depression will not be kicking my ass. I'm ready for the change, struggles, frustration, ridicule, tears, pain, and knockdowns. I'm ready for rebirth from these ashes.